I Cry When I Look In The Mirror

10 SEP

I Cry When I Look In The Mirror

The first time I remember feeling insecure about my physical appearance I was only six years old. Another girl made fun of my outfit, I ran home and hid. From then on, I can remember feeling insecure pretty much constantly. I felt embarrassed of my weight, height, nose, toes, hair, arms, legs, and general shape. As a young teen I would change clothes over and over trying to find an outfit that would hide the features I was unhappy with that particular day. I would look in the mirror after each change to inspect my outfit. I cannot count the times I looked in the mirror and cried. I am now 34 years old and unfortunately, there are still times I cry when I look in the mirror.

I am aware I don’t look like some hideous monster with a humpback or anything, yet I still have these terrible insecurities. Even though many are unreasonable, they often feel very real to me. This discontentment about my physical traits steal the praise God deserves for His creation. God’s Word talks about praising God for who He made us to be. We are to be in awe and amazement at His creation, including the way He made us and the way we look. Psalm 139:14 says, “I will Praise Thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works and that my soul knoweth right well.” I know I am created by an all-knowing, all-powerful God who loves me. I know He does not make mistakes. I know He made me with a plan and a purpose, however, I still look in the mirror and am unhappy with what I see. In my mind I criticize what I look like. The problem with that is I am criticizing God’s creation. That is not ok. I must continue to fight the urge to hate what I see in the mirror and replace it with praise to the Lord and thankfulness for how He made me.

It took me 34 years to realize the shape and size of my body could be a positive thing. I always hated having a stocky build. I wanted to be tall, thin, and slender. I have a stubby yet muscular build. I was always discontent with it. Then Thomas and I went on a 9 mile hike up a mountain to a glacier. We ran 9 miles down the trail after enjoying lunch and taking in the beauty at the top. We did the whole hike in less than 5 hours. We felt so close to one another afterwards, and my husband was so impressed with how I could keep up with him, needing no breaks on the way up or down. That was the day I realized how blessed I am to be built the way that I am. If I was not this shape and size, I wouldn’t be able to hike that far or fast and maybe not even be able to go at all. I’m ashamed to say that was the first time I was able to genuinely thank God for how He made my body.

Maybe you struggle with self-consciousness and insecurities like me. I find that every woman is insecure about one thing, if not many things about themselves. So, I can safely assume that you can relate to my story. Let me encourage you to look in the mirror and choose thankfulness. Speak to God and say, “Thank you Father, for making my _____________ the way you did.” Memorize Psalm 139:14. The Word of God is powerful and can even change our hearts. Look for positive things about who you are and how God made you. He made you as you are for a purpose, and He makes no mistakes. You are beautiful. You are a wonderful creation made by a thoughtful, loving God. Go to your mirror and thank God for what you see.